Friday, July 11, 2014

Dealing With Depression Right Then and There. Right Now.

As you know, this is more of a fitness blog. Why? Well, if you've followed my other blog, City Girl Gone Ranch Mama, you know that I've struggled with depression. Postpartum depression mixed with the depression that comes from MS is, well, just a bad combo. So when I started really working out. I mean with purpose and in a challenge group, with a coach who was cheering me on, I thought, "Wow, why did I wait?" I actually told the Merman how much I wished I had just done this 3 years ago when the Bunny was a baby. That's how great it made me feel. That's how bad I felt.

How bad?

I want to share with you a secret. I had a plan. The doctor asked if I was feeling the blues. I said yes. She said well, is it bad? I said yes. She asked, do you have a plan.

What did she mean by asking if I had a plan? She meant a suicide plan. And with all the courage in the world to hold back my tears. I said, "Yes!"