Saturday, December 6, 2014

MS - The Unpredictable

You know those moments in life that make you look around and shout for joy for all the amazing things you have? Do you ever have moments like that?

I wonder how my life would be without the underlining knowledge that someday I might not be able to do this. This thing that I love so much. Whether it's walking the dog, doing my makeup, teaching a class or holding my children. These everyday things that are so easy to overlook, are the very things that MS likes to steal away from you. And so it goes. 

Ever sense I first learned I had Multiple Sclerosis at the young age of 23, I had one fear: To wake in the morning and not be able to get out of bed.  Not be able to run to my child's bedside or life a baby from her crib. Not be able to wrap my daughter up in a blanket and pull her in next to me for some early morning snuggles. These are the moments I cherish. They are so simple, so sweet and so fleeting.

And this morning, it all happened exactly how I knew it always would. I was woken first by my son who wanted to play iPad. A thing he does on a Saturday morning when mom and dad don't want to get up as early as him. I got up and walked around the other side of the bed to retrieve it for him. Only I couldn't walk. There was a sharp pain shooting down my right leg, my toes tingled and I limped to my husbands side. I gave it to my boy and hobbled back to bed. My littlest had already come in to complain that she couldn't get her comforter off her bed. She wanted me to wrap her up and pull her next to me. I can't even remember retrieving it from her room but I know I would have if I had been in pain. She spent most of the night curled up to my back as she does most nights. Back in my bed with my giant burrito baby I was hoping to go back to sleep, but apparently I had woken her. She started to tell me it was morning and we should get up. She never came with a snooze button and the iPad was already being utilized. I tried to explain that I couldn't. No dice. Then dad started getting mad, I tried to explain to him that I couldn't. We were all to lethargic to realize what was going on. After 16 years of fantastic health, this took us all off guard.

Finally understanding, my husband got a show on for the peanut band and came and rubbed my leg. Only touching it seemed to make things worst. I have had a massively awful cold this week and spent all of Wednesday in bed, but as I have stated before, having a cold puts my immune system at risk and I'm more likely to come out of remission. This is why I don't like it when parents send kids to school with just a cold. But what can I do. That's just a whole other post.

Now I'm here, hobbling around, in pain, and I am feeling so very full of love and joy. What an amazing body I have. I know that I am healthy and strong, and if it wasn't for me always trying to stay in shape, my body would have a much harder time dealing with this day's challenge. I am so grateful for my husband, who is my coach and my greatest supporter, for always setting the bar for me.

So here's what I did, and yet another reason for me to be full of joy today, I pulled from my knowledge of kinesiology, I treated my spinal fluid. I made sure I wasn't switched, and the tingling lessened. It is still there. There is still pain. Much pain. The pain associated with MS is not really understood. It really wasn't even by myself until today. There is still numbness. But that is ok. Because I know it is not forever. I know that this too shall pass. And that my body can take it. I will fight on, with the strength of a Warrior and all the grace the Universe offers me. 

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